Archive for November, 2008

O Christmas Tree

I’m celebrating Black Friday by hanging out at home and buying nothing. I don’t like crowds, not small ones, and not ones that trample employees to death to get a sale.

At the entrance to the Food Emporium, there’s a Christmas tree with little paper ornaments shaped like angels. On the angel is a child’s name and Christmas wish list. I remember picking one out each year as a kid from the tree at church. It usually had the name, age, and clothing size. There were very few angels left on the Food Emporium tree (good news!), and I looked at a few to see if I could help. “Nicholas. Age 12. Gift: Nintendo Wii.” “Ryan. Age 13. Gift: Wii.” Can’t help you, boys. Good luck finding some one to help you in your need. And to Arianna, age 9: Sorry sweetie. “Bratz” creep me out. Maybe next year.


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I just called KFC to find out if it’s open tomorrow. PHEW.

My gift to you this Thanksgiving is this recipe for lime jello salad. 

lime jello

Use it. Enjoy it. It sounds gross, but I swear it’s the most delicious thing you’ll serve tomorrow at Thanksgiving. 

I spent Thanksgiving 2005 at my college boyfriend’s family home. The meal was perfect, and I couldn’t get enough of his mother’s lime jello salad. Trying to get her to like me/accept that she wouldn’t always be the only woman in her son’s life, I said, “Patti! This lime jello salad is delicious. I would love the recipe, if you don’t mind.”

She laughed. “Oh, no. This recipe stays in the family.”

(And then: A cold and awkward silence).

Fast forward to a year ago. We have a whirlwind (failed) rekindling of our relationship. I got lucky last Thanksgiving when mom sent son the recipe in a box with the ingredients. You better believe I made sure to snag a copy of this recipe before he went on his way! I’m not exactly sure what part is the important secret that must stay in the family. It’s basically just a simplified version of any of these lime jello salad recipes all over the internet. Still, it is delicious.

And it kind of reminds me of this expensive cookie recipe that circulated our AOL inboxes in the mid ’90s.

Enjoy! Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

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Memory Lane

Here, friends. Enjoy some more of my livejournal highlights. I do not remember any of this, but feel forced to take credit for having written these entries.

Monday March 1, 2004

I was listening to radio station and the djs were talking about today’s weather. The man said, “You know, today we will be seeing Snoop Dog’s favorite kind of weather.” And the woman said, “Oh yeah, what’s that?” And the man replied “Drizzle!” I couldn’t stop laughing. What a great way to start the day!


Saturday, March 6, 2004

I went and got some food at the Rose and Thistle. I haven’t been there since the time I went with my dad and he got bad oysters and went blind for 3 days. It’s good food. I just didn’t get the oysters.


Saturday, March 13, 2004

I must admit laying around the house has been a lot of fun. I watched Lost in Translation naked. I recommend it (especially the naked part). I guess it doesn’t really matter either way. 


Thursday, April 1, 2004

I wasn’t cool or clever for April Fool’s Day. I was going to tell Sean I am pregnant, but I decided that wouldn’t be a very nice joke. It’s too similar to the time I pretended I had herpes.

I bought some Keebler Elf butter/fudge sandwich cookies today. I have always enjoyed them. But these were different. On the front of the cookie, instead of having a picture of an elf playing soccer or fishing, there was an elf holding a sign that said “buckets.” It was strange. And written on the back of the cookie, it said ” elves do exist!!!” Not that I don’t believe in elves, but it was just weird. Another cookie said “Dunk head first.” which I though was creepy considering the last message.

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Vampires still in season

I spent the morning googling vampires (and then subsequently, chupacabras). I just googled ‘subsequently’ to make sure I used it correctly. I think I did?

It started with the reviews of the Twilight movie. Sounds pretty awful, just like the books, but I’m in love the the books, so I thought maybe I could suffer through a discount matinee. It’s when you fall in love with an asshole. No, not an asshole. A loser. Who happens to be Mormon. I don’t mean that Mormons are losers, just that reading Twilight is like falling in love with a guy who trips over his shoelaces, is pitied by your girlfriends, and is saving himself for marriage. And maybe his aunt is Stephanie Meyer, so you decide to read the books to make a good impression on the family, but it’s awkward because the books have the same personality as your boyfriend who happens to be a loser. 

I read the reviews, and I’ll probably go anyway. I think I read somewhere that when you’re unemployed, you’re expected to go to movie matinees Why else would they have them?

After that, I googled vampires for about an hour (another thing unemployed people do). When I read the Twilight books I kept getting distracted and thinking “I should google vampires sometime. I bet that’s a fun wikipedia entry,” but would always forget. “I forgot to google vampires again! Dammit! And now it looks like after this chapter, I will also need to google werewolves.” The responsibility just piles up. 

And you know what happens when you have responsibilities. You get HUNGRY. I just realized I forgot to stock up during the Halloween season on Count Chocula. There’s still a chance some stores might still be selling Boo Berry, right? Boo Berry is good. Right?

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Joe Powers Benefit Show!

Thanks to everyone who came out to Hold For The Laughs last night and helped make it such a fun evening! I’m now putting together the December 17th show. Can’t wait!

You may be wondering what ever happened to the exboyfriend in yesterday’s post who went to the theatre with me and introduced me to the world of standup comedy. He is in no way a typical exboyfriend. To me, he’s a fellow University of Oregon alum (GO DUCKS!), the first friend I made in New York City, a very good friend to this day, and one of the nicest people you will ever meet. 

Unfortunately, three months ago Joe Powers had an accident. He fell off a roof, broke many bones, and suffered a head injury. The good news is he is making incredible progress. He is speaking now, and has just been moved from a hospital to a care facility for more intense cognitive, speech, and physical rehab. It will be a long road to recovery, but there is no reason not to be optimistic. 

Tonight is a benefit at Gotham to help cover the costs of Joe’s recovery. Whether you know him or not, you should come out if you can. The lineup is great, and it will be a room full of warm fuzzy. There will be a lot of love at Gotham tonight!Joe Powers Healing

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Hold For The Laughs

Hold For The Laughs

It’s tonight! The third edition of my monthly comedy show that I’m producing with Small Pond Entertainment. I feel lucky to have such a great space, and all the comedians who have done the show so far have been great. Tonight is another awesome lineup, with Giulia Rozzi, John Mulaney, Dan Mintz, and Demetri Martin!

It’s a fundraiser for independent theatre, and tonight will bring in a lot of support for these companies. That is the main reason this show is happening, but not the only one.

I do theatre and comedy. When I go see indie theatre, the audience members remind me of a lot of the live comedy fans I know. It’s like a real-world The Parent Trap, and it’s up to me to reunite the twinsies. Before I did this show, I would daydream about comedy fans seeing theatre, and theatre fans seeing comedy. In the daydream, they are enjoying themselves and are very close to holding hands.

When I started doing comedy, a lot of my theatre friends came out to see me, and it was a new experience for them. For most of them, they had a good time and would return again and again (unless there was a steep cover and 2 drink minimum).

Some were stubborn. My ex-boyfriend, an actor, dismissed standup comedy as “weird” because “Why can’t the comedian just tell the jokes? Why talk to the audience? It’s uncomfortable! I don’t want you to know I’m here.” And then he would switch topics to theatre where he hoped to someday create a production with Brechtian elements. “Not wannabe Brecht though. Fourth wall, YUCK!” (That last quote was paraphrased, but accurate).

When I first moved to the city, I dated a comedian. I hadn’t started comedy yet, and for our first date, he took me to the Comedy Cellar. I remember Mulaney was there that night! I had seen live comedy before, but not much. After that night, I was instantly a huge comedy fan. I would go and WATCH my boyfriend at almost every open mic he did and I had a great time. Seriously. Even those who bombed were interesting to observe. They were never up there for more than five minutes, so it was always bearable.

I would see his comedy, and he would go to shows with me. We saw everything on Broadway, but then we would also go see some “wacky” stuff at BAM, which he tolerated and sometimes even enjoyed more than I thought he would. He managed to follow Thomas Ostermeier’s Hedda Gabler without even having heard of Hedda before.

I once asked him, “You like Edward Scissorhands, right?”                                   “Yeah, is there a screening somewhere?”                                                                “Well, no. But Edward Scissorhands the ballet is playing at the Howard Gilman.”

We saw Cymbeline, and before the show I asked him if should give him a plot synopsis to help him understand, as it is not a well known Shakespeare. He shoved his hands over his ears and said “No! Please don’t ruin the ending!” 

The point is, every week we would see at least one thing at a theatre or at Comedy Cellar or at Carolines. How were we ever able to afford that? Oh well. The theatre/comedy combo is a great match. Hope you can come out tonight and see for yourself!


November 19th, 10pm
The Sage Theatre (711 Seventh Ave between 47th and 48th)
$10 if you reserve in advance (holdforthelaughs@gmail.com), $12 at the door

Giulia Rozzi
John Mulaney 
Dan Mintz
Demetri Martin
Hosted by Margie Kment

All proceeds go to support indie theatre companies. There’s a free networking event from 9:30-10pm with members of the NYC indie theatre community. Comedians welcome! 

We’re matchmaking theatre and comedy! Is it magic? It is something!

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Here’s some 1994 action:

From my unicorn diary, April 28, 1994:
Dear Diary, I had never noticed before, but this is my 76th entry! I hope Bill will chiropract me! Not my neck! Bill is a college student at Palmer, and he’ll chiropract us if our parents let us. He’s good, but when he cracked me, I wasn’t relaxed and it HURT. But it felt good. I’m still a little scared, though. Oh, I’ll get over it! I love you! Tomorrow!

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